My life is no longer mine.

It blasted the sock out of me. I was emotionally and physically exhausted. I was totally unprepared for this event in my life and it made me realize that I am no longer living for “me” alone…my whole being, my soul, my emotion and my body has been taken over by another human being. It has shaken me off my reverie and it has forced me to take a good hard look at my priorities in my life. This human being, tiny little thing, totally dependent on me for every single step all the way through his adult life has put me in deep deep thought and woken me out of my slumber of taking my life for granted.

My son had caught a viral flu and was burning away at 102F for 4 days and to make matters worst this was the handiwork of an abscess in the crevasse of his anus. And to see him weathering in pain at every single motion was like taking a knife and plunging it into me. I have never known this level of emotional trauma, this level of stress, this level of helplessness. It took all my will power and emotional stamina to look at him while he was being knocked off at the surgeons table. All this for a simple surgery to relive him off his pain. It would not have taken no longer than 20 minutes for the minor operation, but it felt longer then that and then to see him unconscious and so helpless was totally overwhelming.

I gave up everything to be by the side of my baby. Praying and holding him like life on earth had ended. My world had stopped. As far as I was concerned the things that were so paramount in my life took a back seat without even me blinking twice. I just wanted him to be well. I saw to it that I was there whenever he opened his eyes and to hear him call me “mimmi” was all that my ears wanted to hear. And at last to see him recover and be his old self again, it was like some great big knife had been removed from my heart. I loved this small little man and I was a mother ready to take on god even if it meant only for a flu and a very treatable “pain in the arse” for my baby.

Wow!! This is what my mother feels for me? This is what they mean by a mothers love? I am so overwhelmed. I was so ready to give my entirety to my precious bundle of energy without even a second thought. This has been an eye opener for me. The immense love that I feel for my child can never ever be substituted for anything in this world. He needs me and I am here to give him my 100% and more.

My life is no longer mine alone and I have no regrets on that. Amazing!!!